Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda: pt. 2

Since that one amazing night (and morning) with DG, things have seemed to shift with our "relationship."

Go fuckin' figure.

The morning after, I hung around with him and his roommates well into the afternoon. They were a bit wrapped up in playing video games, but I suspect they maybe felt a little awkard having their roommate's "fuck buddy" (for lack of a better definition) hanging around. We all made conversation and I noticed I was being affectionate with DG: Stroking his hair at the nape of his neck, snuggling into him on the couch.
Was this appropriate behaviour for someone that technically wasn't anything to him?
But surely I was more than a one night stand...
Right?

He didn't really seem to make conversation with me. He started flipping through a magazine and then I suddenly started to feel awkward. I didn't really know what to do. I'd asked him when we woke up if he needed me to leave, and he'd said no and that I could hang around. But then he didn't do much to actually make me feel comfortable that morning.

After a slightly awkward few hours, I drove over to Bella's. She loves to hear about these things and wanted the full spiel.

I wanted to not text him. I didn't want to seem clingy, since I knew I'd already started to really like him again. But I did - to see where his head was:
"I kinda don't want to have to wait two weeks to see you again. Is that weird?"
"Nope haha"
"Does that imply you feel mutually?"
"Oh yeah haha"

Okay. So that made me feel a little less cheap.
We made plans to hang out around a week later. He was going to a work picnic and we were going to go out after I was out of work.
I texted him around six to see if our plans were still on. No reply.
I texted him again around eight. Still nothing. We never hung out.

Turns out he and his co-workers had gone out on a boat, his phone got wet and spazzed out for a little while, and his friend lost his keys so he had to help him with that. After, he went back home to take a nap...and didn't wake up.

What the fuck is it with men that they always fall asleep?! This is a huge reoccurrence that's happened with my boyfriends. And now it was happening with a fling.

From then, things didn't improve.

A few weeks later, we had plans to hang out after a morning surf session of his. He'd had car trouble, and by the time he reached home he said he was tired and in a shitty mood. Which is a completely bullshit excuse. If you ask me.
He suggested dinner and a movie for that weekend instead. I was pretty upset so I just told him he could let me know.

He got sick.
"I'm gonna see how I feel and maybe we can hang out on Sunday?"

He texted me Sunday:
"I feel worse :("


I gave up.


While all of this was going on, turns out an internship opportunity came up for him in Panama. And I wish I meant panama city, Florida. I thought at first maybe he kept flaking because he didn't want to get attached before making such a huge move - why start something you can't continue? At least for six months anyway. Hell, maybe longer if an actual job opens up.
But I've now realised that he's probably just being a typical guy, when it comes to dealing with a girl you've slept with, but have no intentions of being with. He stopped texting me like he used to before we had sex. He doesn't seem interested in talking to me like a friend anymore, and only seems to touch base when he's horny. Not a complete waste - he's extremely easy to talk to, and flirt with. Plus, I now have a bunch of sexy pics to admire.

Oh - and he moved home until he moves to Panama. I haven't been able to see him.

Sometimes I wonder what it would've been like if I'd dated him instead of Tobes, if our timing had been right. But if he's been acting this way with no commitment to me whatsoever, I can only imagine what he'd be like as a boyfriend. Maybe he'd be different if things were serious. I may never know.

I can really only be annoyed with myself. I understand: we weren't looking to date each other. He said he was too busy for a relationship. But he could've tried to not make me feel like a one night stand.
I don't necessarily think it was intentional, I'm sure he has been overwhelmed prepping for his move in such a short amount of time (he only had a month's notice). But his excuses upset me, so for a while I distanced myself.


Currently, things are okay. He moved to Panama a few days ago, but said he will keep in touch.
"Don't forget about me when you're down in Panama ;)"
"Oh, it will be difficult to ;)"


We still text and flirt pretty regularly. Which is nice. We are both probably kicking ourselves over this situation, but I'm sure I'll see him when he comes home in six months, and maybe we'll see what happens.
Maybe we will date. Maybe we will just remain friends with these great perks ;)
Either way, I'm not going to sweat over the coulda, woulda, shoulda's.



Here's to the Maybe's, and what could be's.