Friday, December 23, 2011

Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda: pt. 1

I was scrolling through my matches back in October, and came across someone I knew.  DG.  I met him a few years ago, not long after Tobes decided he wanted to get serious with me (hallelujah!).

He's the roommate of my sister's (Siobhan-Along, here on blogspot) old college friend. She was going to meet up with them for sushi, and invited me to come along since I didn't have plans. I met up with them after work, and was instantly surprised at how I reacted to him. Especially considering I had a boyfriend. DG is tall (however, anything against my short ass would be tall), fit surfer body-type, with a glowing smile - complete with adorable laugh lines - and unnerving striking blue-green eyes. Girls would kill for his eyelashes!
I never thought I could like someone so much off the bat. But I did. It wasn't just the physical: He's super smart - studying environmental politics - witty, and worldly than most other guys I've ever met. We both felt the mutual attraction. We had playful, open conversation all night.
I couldn't shut up about him the whole car ride home.

We kept in touch here and there for a while after we met. Sporadically IMing about life, relationships, and general chit chat. He became a friend. Someone I could vent to when being in a long distance relationship sucked (as it often did), and to get guy advice when Tobes was being an idiot. In return, he talked openly with me and asked for advice about his dating troubles. My sisters thought I should just date him, since he's my age, available, and extremely attractive.
But, of course, I didn't want to throw away my relationship on a crush.
Oh, the beauty of hindsight.

So, needless to say, when I found him - in my matches no less! - I figured it was a sign.
I sent him a cute "Fancy meeting you here ;)", and it started. He asked what brought me to a dating site, and I told him about Tobes' and my split.
"His loss. It's nice to know there's at least one gorgeous, sane girl on this site ;)"
We weren't messaging for long until he gave me his number and told me I could text him whenever. But I'm a lady, so naturally, I gave him my digits and waited for him to text me. And he did. We talked about everyday things for a few weeks or so: plans for Halloween, my sister's upcoming nuptials etc. Then something shifted:
"You have the whole package! I honestly never stood a chance at not being interested."

We told each other how attracted we'd been to one other after we first met. He told me sweet things he liked about me:
"Like you're almost dimples." - that may sound weird, but that text made me like him even more.
Not many guys I've been with, have told me something they like about me that isn't all that noticeable. For instance, my second ex, Carl, noticed I pout my lips out slightly when I'm thinking. You know people are special when they pay attention to the little things (until they break your heart, I suppose).
Things from there quickly escalated:
"You've even caused a 'situation' over here ;)"

We made plans to hang out. But they kept falling through (see what I mean about my timing?!) due to him catching a cold, him having paddle-board races on the weekends (did I mention he's fit?), me going away for a week for my sister's wedding, and the Thanksgiving holiday.
Throughout that time, our texting turned into those of the sexting variety. Which I've always found kinda funny, but it was easy with him. The tension was pretty insane.

Finally, we made plans to hangout, and...well, sleep together.
Mostly sleep together.
We'd talked about this a lot. We both weren't looking for a relationship - he was actively looking for jobs out of state; I'd only been single for four months - but we couldn't deny that we wanted to jump each other's bones (really badly). We decided we'd hang out/casually date on occasion, but also have amazing benefits. He was extremely open and mature about it. He even brought up protection first.
"I'd love to have you spend the night."

Eventually, that Saturday night after the Thanksgiving holiday came around.  I felt a little weird about it. I've never met up with someone for the preconceived notion of having sex.  But there was something exciting about it. He texted me while I was getting ready:
"It's been so long since I've seen you, I'm getting butterflies!"

The whole drive over I was thinking about how it may go.  Sure, our sexting sounded hot, but hopefully it would happen as smoothly and easily when it came time to get down to business.

Then I got that feeling.  I was nervous.  Excited, even.  I realised I was having what I call "The Flip": that butterflies induced feeling you get - or at least, I get - when you really know you like someone.
I've only felt that three times previously:  With my three exes.
Shit.

I also go through this whole "forgetting" what someone looks like. Obviously, I knew I was into him. But it had been over a year since I'd even seen or spoken to the guy. We had talked on the phone once after we reconnected, and he sounded even sexier than I remembered.
I called him to come out when I pulled into his apartment complex.  I'm directionally challenged, and needed help finding the visitor parking there.
A guy started walking down the path, and I almost didn't realise it was him.  I didn't think it was possible that someone could get more attractive.
He opened the door and slid into my passenger seat.  Holy shit. He looked even better than I remembered. He'd grown his hair out longer than when I'd met him, and he had kept his beard from No-shave November. Not to mention, all those surfing sessions and paddle board competitions throughout the year had given him a nice tan, and a super toned body.

I parked and went to get my things from the backseat. He came around and gave me a hug. Damn, he felt good. He took me back up to his place to drop my overnight things off.
"Ready?"  For what?
He leaned in and kissed me.
Sweet.  Jesus.
I had to pull myself away, otherwise we'd never make it to dinner. He took me out to a Sushi place, conveniently located across the street from the apartment complex. We ordered some rolls and he ordered us a bottle of Cabernet. We carried on relatively normal conversation, even though I suspect we were both thinking about what the other one looked like underneath our clothes.
He looked really good. Handsome. He was in a fitted grey and white striped t-shirt that hugged his arms and chest in all the right places, jeans, and these cool slip-on Vans.
He kept grinning at me from across the table with that whole I'm getting laid tonight expression on his face. It was pretty sexy.

About halfway through dinner, he said he'd wanted to sit next to me. I slid over. I fiddled with my sushi for a few minutes, until he placed a hand onto my cheek, and kissed me. That lovely, protective type kiss that not many people give you. I could get so used to that. He smelt amazing. I slid a hand into his hair at the nape of his neck. It felt nice to be close to someone again. He reached for my hand...and placed it in his crotch. Right. Let's not forget what we came for. It was so cheeky.  I loved it.
He whispered a few naughty things into my ear, which I'll save for the privacy of my memory ;)

When the check came, we both had a nice little buzz going from our two glasses each of the wine. He pulled out his credit card, no hesistations. A gentleman. We shimmied back across the street to his place, my arm around his waist, my hand fishing for his ass in his back pocket, his arm around my shoulder.


I'll spare you the details of what obviously happened next.
He was immensely sweet about it all. He'd had music playing in the background, he lit a candle. Part of me still doesn't know if it was for show, or just him.

As far as execution went, it was even better than the texts. ;)
He cuddled with me for most of the night, and into the morning.  Sometimes even holding me close and kissing me on the forehead.

I realised...I could really get used to this.


Double shit.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Mingling Single.

My best friend *Bella and I (semi) recently joined a popular online dating site. She's been single since I've known her - going on five years now - so I think it's great that she wanted to put herself out there. She asked me to join with her for moral support (and kicks) which at first, I wasn't too thrilled about. I'd much rather meet someone organically, without the forced feel of online dating. And I'm definitely not one of those gals that's gagging for a boyfriend. Actually, I hadn't even been single for that long. It'd only been three months at the time I joined...

My last relationship was around two and a half-years (long distance!). However, this one has been a lot easier to get over than some of the other crap I've been through. It didn't really even end badly. Unfortunately, we just had to let it fizzle. And I didnt really have a choice in the matter.
All in all, *Tobes was a decent guy and boyfriend, but I don't think he was ever fully committed. Not meaning 'sleeping around' non-committed, but committed to the idea of a serious relationship. It took him ages to figure out he wanted me (ex: "Let's just see how things go."), and then he never really seemed to acknowledge he had a girlfriend (ex: wouldn't change his relationship status. Yes, not the end of the world, but an important factor, I think). The word Girlfriend itself, I think, freaked him out.

The weirdest signal happened last year around Thanksgiving. He and his family had invited me to their family holiday to celebrate with, and finally meet, them. In my mind, that's a pretty big gesture. It's one thing to casually meet the parents - and I'd met his father a few months prior - but to meet the parents, sister, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins (altogether making at least 20 individuals!) meant something to me.
I've never been a part of someone's family that way. I felt we were heading somewhere special...
Jump forward six months later (May '11), and we were discussing how our relationship would work once he moved further away.
C'est la vie. As the beautiful Tristan Prettyman (who had a pretty terrible breakup of her engagement with Jason Mraz) said: "I don't want someone who's not ready for me. I want someone that can't get enough of me."

So here I am! Five months single, and on an online dating site.

Don't think of me as one of those gals that dreads being single. I'm actually quite excited.
Funnily enough, I've realised that I don't usually stay single for long. As long as I've been dating anyway: since I was eighteen.
I'm not tooting my own horn here. But people like me. I'm confident enough in myself to acknowledge I'm a cool chick, a decent catch. But sometimes I don't get it. My friends, even friends of friends, will always tell me how someone they know likes me. I can only assume at first it's mostly physical, since a majority of these guys have never met me face to face. And trust me, I'm nowhere near "perfect". I know I have a decent body: I'm a lady, I'm curvy, but just like every other female, sometimes I hate my 34DD (natural) breasts, my round butt and strong thighs. But maybe that's The Attraction: I'm not constantly complaining about, or trying to change my body. I take well enough care of it, and ninety percent of the time, I love my curves, crazy hair, and caramel complexion I can only credit my mixed race ethnicity for.

Side thought: But the whole My-Friend-Thinks-You're-Hot scenario, tends to happen a lot. Let me tell you about whom I'll refer to as *Wyle (you'll know why later).
I met him a year ago through Bella. After we all first hung out, he constantly asked her about me. Which was flattering, but I was with Tobes. Long story short, we've had a mild flirtation going the whole time I've known him. But he also landed a girlfriend during that time. He said he gave up hope of being able to date me. After learning back in July I was now back on the Market, he seemed annoyed and stunned at our ever terrible timing. B relayed the conversation to me one night over glasses of wine and hookah:
Wyle: "The only thing I never liked about Jodie was her boyfriend..."
Bella: "Haha, Oh. Well he's not even a factor anymore.."
Wyle: "What?"
Bella: "Yeah, they broke up like a month ago."
Wyle: ...."NOW she's single?!"

I think eventually he just couldn't control himself anymore. Wyle, Bella, our friend Stephen, and myself all went dancing one night to celebrate the guys' graduation from VFX school. His girlfriend was conveniently out of town. Drinks were flowing, we were all having a blast dancing in the seedy club, sweaty and tipsy...and then he kissed me. I didn't care. As far as I was concerned: I'm-single-and-can-do-what-I-want!
I even enjoyed it. A lot.
For visual reference, Wyle's doppleganger is Noah Wyle. Circa ER when he was going through his rugged phase. And with an adorable Massachusetts accent. Delish.

"You're an amazing kisser! I can't stop!" he shouted into my ear over the music (booyah!).
We danced, made out, and fondled till the wee hours. We even swapped partners at one point - yes, it was one of those nights. Bella and I went back to their place to hang out. Bella and Stephen fell asleep on the couches. I ended up in Wyle's bed. Naked. He looked great clothed, but...damn.
Then the whole timing bug came to bite us in the ass. His head was in the game, but his other *ahem* head, was not. Bummer, because he'd had the sexiest grin on his face the whole time.
"I've wanted this for so long."
More of a blessing though. Although I'd had my whole Don't-Give-A-Fuck attitude on, I would've felt incredibly bad (at least I think) had something happened, concerning his girlfriend. I wouldn't want to be in her shoes.

Either way, I don't always understand where the infatuation comes from. I know, at least in this particular scenario, it wasn't just a physical thing. Wyle has been specific about letting me know he wouldn't have wanted just a one night stand. But he was also not brave enough to address what almost happened between us to his girl. Understandable, his attraction to me hasn't been subtle. She knew he had a thing for me even before they started dating. She hasn't been a big fan of mine.

Wyle is in Cali now. He's still kicking himself from that night and our terrible timing.
Recent text message from Wyle: "I wanted to tell you it was awesome to meet you and you're an awesome girl. . .Still wish you didn't have that thing called a bf when I met you."

Regardless, I don't consider myself to be some über sexy person. I'm not superficial at all. I'm just me. I love to have fun, and maybe it's the carefree, fun-loving aspect of me people are drawn to. At least I hope!


At any rate, at this point in my life, I'm welcoming being single more than ever. Frankly, I don't know why some gals hate it so much. You can have so much fun seeing who's out there.
Sure, on a dating site you get the weirdos: my first ever message was "Do you wanna fuck?" (hell no), and others have ranged from someone telling me he thinks I'm "cute, like a hamster" (fuck off), to a thirty-six year old married man propositioning me to be in a FWB relationship (gross).
But I'm sure there are some gems...

somewhere.


Here's to being me. Single, and ready to mingle.




**Names have been altered to protect privacy and potential embarrassment.