Revisit.

I went out to Dania beach semi-recently for Memorial Day weekend to join Bella and her family on a snorkeling/dive trip.  I love those people so much, and it was great to get to hang out with some of the other family members that I'll also be joining down in Costa Rica this month. 
It was the best time, and it was my first time snorkeling!  I was proud of myself:  I haven't really swam that much since I was a kid and a much stronger swimmer (we swam out to sea about the length of a football field!), but I got through it and saw some pretty cool things!  Stingray, Dori, etc.

But perhaps one of the most interesting things happened on our last night we were there:  It was late, myself, Bella, her sister, and her boyfriend were all in bed. Everyone was going to get up super early to go on one more snorkeling session before having to head home, when I got a text that simply said:

What's up?
How obnoxious is that??

I think I've mentioned this before....but my exes have horrible timing, and always seem to text when I least expect.  I kinda went into panic mode, thinking it was (yet again), my first ex boyfriend John(long story that I will probably tell another time), whom for a while every few months or so after we broke up, he'd randomly text me for no reason.

After a few weird cryptic exchanges, I finally figured out whom it was.  My second ex-boyfriend, whom I'll refer to as Ace (an old nickname).
A little recap: Technically, I met Ace even before I met John.  After two weeks within getting my cosmetology license, he walked into the salon.  I was instantly attracted (he reminds me, and many people, a lot of Zachary Quinto, and I'm a huge ZQ fan). 
I was new, so I gave him a quite less than adequate haircut, and sent him on his way, shortly thereafter, John and I got together.  In the course of the year that John and I dated, I only saw Ace sporadically.  I think, literally, about three times.  But every time I did, there was just...something.  We were drawn to each other.  One thing I still admire about him is that he can talk about any subject under the sun, which makes for very easy conversation.  I found him smart, funny, and very interesting.

Once finding out that I was no longer with John, he asked me out. 
We dated for about seven months, when one day, he completely disappeared.

Where the fuck??

His facebook:  deleted.  His myspace:  deleted. 
I would call:  no answer. 

Trying to get in touch with him was impossible.  So after a few weeks, I stopped, and let him be.  He had been going through a lot of drama involving his family, among other things, and I wasn't going to push it.  Whatever his reasons, I figured he didn't want me around to help him deal with it.  I sent him a lengthy email about it, and miraculously he responded a week or so later, and it was decided that we could keep in touch, but we would stop dating.  Okay with me.  For a while we kept in touch briefly here and there, until around Halloween '10 when he texted:  "Leave me alone."

Needless to say, I didn't expect to hear from his two years later in the middle of the night.

Surprisingly:  He called to apologise. 

I won't go into the nitty gritty, but we spoke for at least three hours that night.  I took away that he genuinely still does care about how things between us went down, and that he is sorry.  He asked me if it was alright to stay in touch, and I am okay with that.  It's not like this happened six months ago.  Our entire relationship was four years ago.

Since then, he's kept in touch, as he said he would.  It's easy to get back into a groove with him.  He still makes me laugh.  He's still teases me relentlessly about my poor eyesight.  It's been nice to know that he seems to be doing much better in his life, and seems happier.  It makes me happy to know that he is alright, because that's ultimately all I ever wanted for him.  I didn't want him to feel pressured or guilty about the things he was having to deal with while we were together.

We met for dinner and drinks last Wednesday night.

We sat down, and it was like no time had passed at all.  It was nice to just talk, and catch up about each other.  I always valued his friendship and the way he could (and still can) listen to someone.  He knew me better than I think I even knew myself at the time.

Again, not to divulge anything private or too personal, but we talked  a lot, especially about what happened in the past...and what could possibly happen in the future.

I'm not jumping back into anything. There are some serious discussions ahead if a relationship is something either one of us decides we would like to pursue. Right now, there is no answer to "What are we doing?" because we honestly don't know.  Currently, it's just nice to enjoy his company, and have fun.

I'm still in my single mind-set: I've enjoyed getting settled into my new job, and planning for when myself, and my girlfriends move into our house in the fall. I don't want anything serious. With Ace or otherwise. But I had a lovely time. And I wont deny that.  Is there still attraction? Yes, of course.  Those sorts of feelings can't just be turned off.

I guess my thought/question is this:  Would you ever get back with an ex?  Does it depend on circumstances, or how the relationship actually ended?  Or would you swear off of them, because they are simply an ex?

My and Ace's relationship never really had closure.  Which is something that can tend to bother me normally, but I moved on, and have since had a whole other relationship/breakup since him.

Our breakup didn't happen months ago.  If it had, this may be very different.  But this was four years ago.  I am a very different person, and I imagine that he has done some growing up since then also.

I think that a lot of people, feel the need to follow some kind of stigma, or rules, associated with dating the person they want. Whom ever said that dating an ex was a bad thing? I whole-heartedly agree that whom you choose to date (in this case, an ex) is dependent on certain factors.

Time can help people grow. I don't hate, or hold a grudge against him. I still like the dynamic that is there between us, so what's the harm?

Sure, you can run the risk of getting hurt again...but isn't that the risk in every other relationship, too?

The hurt came initially when he first stopped contact.  But after that when he subsequently decided to push me away, wasn't as painful.  I came to realise that perhaps doing so was just how he needed to deal with what was happening in his life.

Bella said to me today:

"How nice to have pleasant feelings where weird ones used to be.  I trust you - you seem to know yourself better than a lot of people."

One day at a time.