In the spirit of Valentine's day, I want to do something a little different here...
I thought it might be interesting to write "letters" to each of my past lovers. Maybe this will give a little insight into my past dating life, and maybe show what I've been through and gotten past over the years. Can you say, therapeutic?
I hope whomever reads this, you enjoy.
Here it goes...
Dear John,
You were my first everything. People saw you as intimidating, mysterious. But I always saw past the piercings, and tattoos, leaving me to only see a quiet, and gentle person (yet admittedly you still scared me a little at times, too).
Our relationship didn't start in the most conventional way. I didn't expect to fall for someone like you, especially considering that you were old enough to be a much older brother. Thirty to my innocent eighteen. We got tipsy at our work party, and I remember laying with you on our friends bed while everyone else had started to pass out drunk from the festivities. You too, fell asleep, and managed to stick your hand down the front of my jeans. That was the first intimate physical contact I'd ever had with a man. While it was strangely exciting, I was also thoroughly embarrassed. I tried to avoid you most of the next day at work, when we all had to face each other from our drunken shenanigans the night prior. You asked me out to the back of the salon to talk, as you could probably sense the awkwardness all over my face. You asked me out to a movie, and told me you had to figure out why you'd acted the way you did the night before. To address your feelings.
We never went to the movie. You didn't follow my directions, so we ended up at the beach. You talked a lot about your brother, whom was more around my age. I still don't really know why...maybe you were trying to deter yourself from getting involved with a younger girl. But by the end of the date you kissed me, and it was over.
I moved in with you after just three months. My parents obviously did not approve of our relationship, and my father and I's relationship quickly deteriorated. I only moved in with you so soon, as he'd threatened to kick me out. But I have to appreciate you for taking me in, and making me feel safe then. Looking back though, I shouldn't have been so swayed by your suggestion to move out. I shouldn't have been so stubborn, and I feel a real man would've wanted me to preserve my relationship with my father, not just throw it out the window.
The year we were together was amazing, crazy, scary, and sad. I fell head over heels for you, and I couldn't see past my rose coloured glasses. We built a home together, and I thought we'd be together forever, as I'm sure most young people in love think with their firsts.
In many ways you were a great boyfriend. You wrote me cards every couple of weeks, telling me how much you enjoyed me, and wanted to be with me. Spend your life with me. And in many others, you were not. Looking back now, I realise that you liked to manipulate me, and tried to make me be someone I wasn't yet. You'd buy me clothes, and do my hair the way you liked, when I hadn't even found my own self confidence. Sometimes you were scary. You threatened to break up with me once if I didn't quit working for our old boss, and you flipped out on me for going out with my girlfriends without you, just because a few guys were also coming with us (whom were either taken, or gay, by the way). You could easily shut down and not speak to me. Sometimes for days.
I knew things would be ending soon once you started trying to get a job in the club scene downtown. You were frequently out until 4am, with people I didn't know, and never met. You would tell me you want a night in, "just the two of us", get a call from a friend, and go out leaving me all alone. You stopped being affectionate, and having sex with me. Do you know what that did to me? To not be touched by the man I love? Did you even care?
Around Thanksgiving, you kept suggesting that once our lease was up, I should move back in with my parents to "save money". You and my family must have thought I was stupid, and didn't see the signs, but really I just didn't want to face what I ultimately knew was going to happen.
You broke up with me one morning after dropping me off at my parent's house for a visit. You barely said five words to me, and shortly after, I received the three paged text message. To this day, I can hardly remember what it said. I've blocked out a lot. But you broke me. You even had the nerve to call a few hours later, asking me when I would start moving my stuff out. No emotion in your voice, you sounded like you were simply asking what the time of day was.
Coming home was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do. I was convinced my father hated me. He called me a tart and didn't speak to me for months, nor I to him. I barely ate or slept for at least two weeks. You kept asking me when I'd be getting the last of my stuff out of our apartment. The day I went back with my mother and sisters to get my things, I couldn't look at you. And you, being the coward you are, hid away in your room with your buddy while I mustered up the energy to move around the place grabbing my belongings. Leaving behind the cats we had shared together was heartbreaking. I at least hoped you'd take care of them, even though you no longer wanted to care for me.
I was stupid once shortly after that, and almost took you back. But going back into our much very empty apartment was unsettling. It was cold, unwelcoming. I no longer existed in that space, and I couldn't put on my rose coloured glasses again and pretend you hadn't shattered my heart. How could someone tell another person that they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with them, only to completely throw them out of it moments later? I really never knew 'why'. I tried, but you ended it again, saving me.
While I still get angry (mostly at myself) at the very thought of you, years later, I actually have to thank you.
Without the experience of our relationship, I'd probably still be the same, quiet, timid girl that I was before I met you. Loving and breaking up with you changed me in a lot of ways for the better. I matured, and have grown into a woman that I'm proud to be. A woman I don't think I'd be yet if I hadn't met you. Sure, I would've saved myself a lot of pain, but being with you taught me to never let a man try and make me be what he wants me to be. To never let a man manipulate me, or threaten and question my love for him and our relationship. Which were nothing more than your own insecurities, and bullying to make me stay, making sure you were the one in control. I still have the cards you wrote me. I remember the time when reading them still made me cry. No more. I'm not sure why I've kept them after all this time, almost six years later. Maybe to keep a little shred of happiness, from all of that heartache.
But here I am. A little older, and more the wiser. Thank you for teaching me what a healthy relationship isn't. Thank you for breaking my heart, so I learned how to pick up the pieces, and allowing me to heal myself. Making everything since then sting a little less.
I'm not one to wish ill on anyone, but wherever you are...I don't really care.
Friday, February 15, 2013
Thursday, January 3, 2013
A welcomed distracton...
I had originally started writing this at the beginning of October, so excuse the extremely delayed post:
Back at the end of September was the end of the yoga challenge. I only ended up completing 15/26 classes. Which was kinda sucky, but I'm trying not to kick myself about it. What with getting sick, and some crazy work drama that had been going on the last few weeks of the month, some commitments came up that I couldn't skip.
Since finishing though, I definitely felt different. As far as weight, after the initial weigh-in, I bobbed back up a few pounds, and then held steady at a loss of four pounds. It's changed my eating, and I find myself choosing better-for-me options, and eating a lot less.
My friend and co-worker Will, joined me for one class, and he said he really enjoyed it. He's excited to go again.
The challenge itself had kept me distracted from thinking too much about everything that happened with Ace. Who's real name is Carl. I don't really know why I'm trying to protect his identity, as he'd never see this anyway. And I'm sure whomever reads this doesn't even know him.
I threw myself into this yoga thing, and I haven't cried since the initial split, but perhaps that's just because I literally sweat the tears out of my body? Can that even happen? If so, every break up, I'm just going to do a week's worth of yoga so I wont cry...
But now that I've slowed down and thought about it: I'm still a little sad (months later, I know). I miss him. Being single is fine, and I'm definitely not a girl that needs a guy to be happy. But sometimes, I really miss being part of a duo. Surrounding yourself with your best friends is great, and I love mine to death, but of course it's not the same. There's nothing quite like sharing yourself with another they way you do with a partner, lover, boyfriend/girlfriend, what have you.
I had been thinking a lot about the concept of soul mates. To me, a soul mate is someone that just aligns perfectly with you. They balance you. They get you. And you know when you've found or had it.
I feel that way about Carl. Despite his seemingly brainwashed religious tendencies, he has always been someone I feel that could be my other half. The three months when I got to see him again, and when we were together the first time a few years ago, just felt...right. I've never felt the sort of feelings I had with Carl with other people. Maybe that was me really experiencing love. Of course I adored my other boyfriends (when things were actually good), but there was always something that didn't seem to completely click. I felt like I was always two steps ahead of Tobes (whom I'll probably talk about in another post) and when I finally felt like we were on the same page, he pulled away.
Carl had to deal with a lot when we were first together, especially family issues. But he has, and will probably always be one of the most caring men I've ever met. I'd never met someone that loved me, until him. Not to say that my previous boyfriends didn't care about me, but you know when someone loves you. Carl and I were always in sync about how we felt and where we stood with each other, even from very early on in our relationship. I knew how he felt about me before he even said it to me, and vice versa.
And now he's gone. It's been months, but I'm still not quite used to it. I keep thinking that when I hang out with my beer tour friends (technically, his co workers) that one day he'll show up and it'll be back to normal again, and we can stay friends. And other days I have to actively try and remind myself that he's never coming back. That makes me so angry. Especially since he told me to my face that he wouldn't just disappear again. Don't promises mean anything anymore?
I ended up sending him an email. I felt like if I didn't get some things off my chest that I'd regret it, whether or not he actually read it or not. Which I'm sure he has, but I'm not holding my breath waiting for a response. I don't even really care if he ever does. I just wanted to get my thoughts out of my own head.
But, I'm doing okay. I'm just staying focused on other things, and trying not to think too much when I drive by his office building every single morning. Knife in the chest...
Back at the end of September was the end of the yoga challenge. I only ended up completing 15/26 classes. Which was kinda sucky, but I'm trying not to kick myself about it. What with getting sick, and some crazy work drama that had been going on the last few weeks of the month, some commitments came up that I couldn't skip.
Since finishing though, I definitely felt different. As far as weight, after the initial weigh-in, I bobbed back up a few pounds, and then held steady at a loss of four pounds. It's changed my eating, and I find myself choosing better-for-me options, and eating a lot less.
My friend and co-worker Will, joined me for one class, and he said he really enjoyed it. He's excited to go again.
The challenge itself had kept me distracted from thinking too much about everything that happened with Ace. Who's real name is Carl. I don't really know why I'm trying to protect his identity, as he'd never see this anyway. And I'm sure whomever reads this doesn't even know him.
I threw myself into this yoga thing, and I haven't cried since the initial split, but perhaps that's just because I literally sweat the tears out of my body? Can that even happen? If so, every break up, I'm just going to do a week's worth of yoga so I wont cry...
But now that I've slowed down and thought about it: I'm still a little sad (months later, I know). I miss him. Being single is fine, and I'm definitely not a girl that needs a guy to be happy. But sometimes, I really miss being part of a duo. Surrounding yourself with your best friends is great, and I love mine to death, but of course it's not the same. There's nothing quite like sharing yourself with another they way you do with a partner, lover, boyfriend/girlfriend, what have you.
I had been thinking a lot about the concept of soul mates. To me, a soul mate is someone that just aligns perfectly with you. They balance you. They get you. And you know when you've found or had it.
I feel that way about Carl. Despite his seemingly brainwashed religious tendencies, he has always been someone I feel that could be my other half. The three months when I got to see him again, and when we were together the first time a few years ago, just felt...right. I've never felt the sort of feelings I had with Carl with other people. Maybe that was me really experiencing love. Of course I adored my other boyfriends (when things were actually good), but there was always something that didn't seem to completely click. I felt like I was always two steps ahead of Tobes (whom I'll probably talk about in another post) and when I finally felt like we were on the same page, he pulled away.
Carl had to deal with a lot when we were first together, especially family issues. But he has, and will probably always be one of the most caring men I've ever met. I'd never met someone that loved me, until him. Not to say that my previous boyfriends didn't care about me, but you know when someone loves you. Carl and I were always in sync about how we felt and where we stood with each other, even from very early on in our relationship. I knew how he felt about me before he even said it to me, and vice versa.
And now he's gone. It's been months, but I'm still not quite used to it. I keep thinking that when I hang out with my beer tour friends (technically, his co workers) that one day he'll show up and it'll be back to normal again, and we can stay friends. And other days I have to actively try and remind myself that he's never coming back. That makes me so angry. Especially since he told me to my face that he wouldn't just disappear again. Don't promises mean anything anymore?
I ended up sending him an email. I felt like if I didn't get some things off my chest that I'd regret it, whether or not he actually read it or not. Which I'm sure he has, but I'm not holding my breath waiting for a response. I don't even really care if he ever does. I just wanted to get my thoughts out of my own head.
But, I'm doing okay. I'm just staying focused on other things, and trying not to think too much when I drive by his office building every single morning. Knife in the chest...
Friday, September 14, 2012
TGIF
Today is my rest day from yoga, and I'm actually ecstatic about that. This week has been great, but it has kind of been kicking my ass.
While my classes have been going really well, and I'm finally into the yoga groove, I've found myself being really tired during my workdays. It's not easy going to a majority of 8pm classes, as I'm not home until 10pm, then probably not in bed till 11pm. And while I'm getting enough restful sleep (I think), I still find myself waking up really tired. It could just be because the classes themselves take a lot out of me. I make sure not to eat a lot once I'm back from class either. The last thing I want is a full belly when all I want to do after class is crash into my bed.
I've been getting hungrier earlier in the day too, so I'm eating lunch around noon or 1pm. It's no surprise as to why halfway through class my tummy starts grumbling, so I've been eating little portions of something after class just to settle me.
I don't think I'm going to make the 26 classes. What with missing days due to sickness and the holiday weekend, and general errands like house hunting...I think I've set myself back too many days to be able to make it up completely. I just realized that I have a co-worker's baby shower to go to tomorrow, and next week Wednesday is graduation day where I work too, and we are going to a free preview night of Halloween Horror Nights. Maybe if I get to come in later in the day the day after graduation (as my boss is the shit and lets us do such things), I may be able to squeeze in a 10am next Thursday before work. We shall see!
Either way, I'm not kicking myself about it. The challenge isn't really about finishing or "winning", it's just to boost your practice and challenge yourself. If I come away with 24 or 25 classes at the end, I'll still be pretty happy with how I did, and how I even managed to pull out that many with the lack of days available to me in the first place!
Tomorrow will be a happy day all around, I hope. It's my co-worker and his wife's baby shower, and I've been gushing for them ever since I found out they were expecting. I can't wait until their little nugget arrives, and we get to meet him or her. They both don't have family in town, so I'm glad that all the work peeps are banding together to show them our love and support.
Tomorrow is also the day that myself and the girls will be finding out about this potential house. I hope a decision is made in our favour. I've had good feelings about this house, and felt that we made a good impression. But we shall see...Fingers crossed!!
Happy Weekend!
Days Left: 14 (I went ahead and subtracted Fridays, as I can't go that day anyway)
Classes left: 19
While my classes have been going really well, and I'm finally into the yoga groove, I've found myself being really tired during my workdays. It's not easy going to a majority of 8pm classes, as I'm not home until 10pm, then probably not in bed till 11pm. And while I'm getting enough restful sleep (I think), I still find myself waking up really tired. It could just be because the classes themselves take a lot out of me. I make sure not to eat a lot once I'm back from class either. The last thing I want is a full belly when all I want to do after class is crash into my bed.
I've been getting hungrier earlier in the day too, so I'm eating lunch around noon or 1pm. It's no surprise as to why halfway through class my tummy starts grumbling, so I've been eating little portions of something after class just to settle me.
I don't think I'm going to make the 26 classes. What with missing days due to sickness and the holiday weekend, and general errands like house hunting...I think I've set myself back too many days to be able to make it up completely. I just realized that I have a co-worker's baby shower to go to tomorrow, and next week Wednesday is graduation day where I work too, and we are going to a free preview night of Halloween Horror Nights. Maybe if I get to come in later in the day the day after graduation (as my boss is the shit and lets us do such things), I may be able to squeeze in a 10am next Thursday before work. We shall see!
Either way, I'm not kicking myself about it. The challenge isn't really about finishing or "winning", it's just to boost your practice and challenge yourself. If I come away with 24 or 25 classes at the end, I'll still be pretty happy with how I did, and how I even managed to pull out that many with the lack of days available to me in the first place!
Tomorrow will be a happy day all around, I hope. It's my co-worker and his wife's baby shower, and I've been gushing for them ever since I found out they were expecting. I can't wait until their little nugget arrives, and we get to meet him or her. They both don't have family in town, so I'm glad that all the work peeps are banding together to show them our love and support.
Tomorrow is also the day that myself and the girls will be finding out about this potential house. I hope a decision is made in our favour. I've had good feelings about this house, and felt that we made a good impression. But we shall see...Fingers crossed!!
Happy Weekend!
Days Left: 14 (I went ahead and subtracted Fridays, as I can't go that day anyway)
Classes left: 19
Monday, September 10, 2012
Yoga update:
My second and third classes of the challenge went well. I am starting to feel fully acclimated, and I have not needed to take any breaks between postures to catch my breath or stave off any dizzy spells.
These latest two classes were during the week, after work, at the 8pm slot. The last class of the work days, and probably the hottest to attend, as the 6pm-ers get out just a mere half hour before the 8pm-ers. I walked into the room these days last week, and no joke, before we even started, the thermostat read 104* both days.
My flexibility is starting to return, made all that much more easier due to the heat that the class is conducted in. Hopefully by the end of this challenge, I can reach full expression in some of the more challenging postures...but we'll see.
These latest two classes were during the week, after work, at the 8pm slot. The last class of the work days, and probably the hottest to attend, as the 6pm-ers get out just a mere half hour before the 8pm-ers. I walked into the room these days last week, and no joke, before we even started, the thermostat read 104* both days.
| 104 degrees: This is about accurate.
|
I got sick over the weekend, so I haven't been able to attend class since last Thursday. So now I have to buckle down and go consistently until the end of the month to make up classes I've missed if I still want to reach the 26 classes goal. What this means is that I have to do several double sessions over the weekends in order to reach anywhere close to the 26 classes (yikes). But I know I can do it.
I actually thought that the heat in the room might actually help me sweat out whatever bug I'd caught from the office last week, but it seemed to just expedite the process and make me worse quicker. Hopefully I will have a decent class tonight, and maybe it'll make me feel a bit better.
Word of advice though: Don't go to class if you are pretty sick. I once made that mistake a long time ago, and wanted to push through a class when I was suffering with a bad cold, and I almost passed out. Or if you must go while feeling under the weather: Listen to your body! If it's telling you to lay down and take a break, do it. Don't try and act all macho about it. There's no shame in taking a break. I know more than anyone how bad it can make you feel when you can't do what the more experienced yogi's can (especially as a newbie that doesn't want to lay down because you feel embarrassed), but you get there by paying attention, and taking your time. You can't get to step C, without going through step's A and B first.
Happy stretching!
Classes left: 23
Days left: 20
Currently: Update and a lil heartache.
Costa Rica (June):
I had the best time: We stayed in Jaco, right on the beach, but travelled around to various places in the area. The country is gorgeous, the people are friendly, and the food was delicious.
CR isn't particularly known for it's "cuisine"- it's mostly meat with rice and beans - but the few dishes I tried from the local places were amazing. I don't know what Costa Ricans put in their black beans...but damn. One place gave them to us as an appetizer with crumbled parmesan cheese and pita chips, and told us to eat it like guacamole. It went in seconds...so yummy. We also found a great Taco Place right down the street from our gorgeous rental house (which was right on Playa Jaco in Puntarenas!). We went there two nights in a row. I think we enjoyed it.
We all went on a crocodile tour (Gatorland can suck it: our tour guides were right in front of these gators, feeding them!), zip lining, a hike through Manuel Antonio National Park, and spent many days out on the different beaches. I even tried surfing with Bella's little sister, which was fun, I'll have to try again one day. We got to spend our last night in the gorgeous Costa Rica Marriott Hotel in San Jose (courtesy - aka paid for - of Bella's family! Have I mentioned how much I love them?) and couldn't have been a more perfect ending. Bella's family that joined us were amazing, and I had the pleasure of meeting a few of them previously, so it was like we'd all been friends forever.
Fun Facts:
*You can't flush toilet paper in most areas of CR. Their septic system doesn't handle it well. That was initially hard to get used to (and a little gross when you think about it too much!), but by the time we stayed at the Marriott, I was thankful to be able to flush my tissue.
*There was also no hot water at the house we stayed in. This wasn't a huge deal, especially once we discovered the outside shower by the pool. The outside temperature was warm enough that when you took a shower outside, you didn't notice the cold water. It was actually really refreshing. Again though, a hot shower was what we all took advantage of once we were at the hotel!
*The roads are insane. It is very rural in CR and the roads are small, congested, and full with potholes. Signage is something we also struggled to find, so thank goodness we had one fluent Spanish speaker with us, and one Brazilian whom could more or less make sense of what directions we were told. But part of the adventure is getting there...I just wasn't so thrilled when we almost had to jump out of our itty bitty rental car (which I'm convinced ran on a go-kart motor) couldn't make it up the steep hills! But it's a fun story to tell!
*When ordering food, be prepared to wait. Whenever we went to the more rural local eateries, the kitchens were usually only staffed with one to two people. Don't go to a restaurant super hungry, because you will wait. It's kinda part of the CR charm: it's a relaxed country, not as fast paced as the States, and usually I found the food was worth the wait.
*Be wary of hagging and the exchange rate. When we went shopping for souvenirs, not all of the places accepted haggling the prices down. One woman's shop in particular even gave us a bad exchange rate from Colones to Dollars (it's basically 1:2, and she almost tripled it). So 1000 Col = $2.
The experience overall was amazing, however I'm not sure I'll feel the want to visit again. We managed to pack in a lot of activities for quite a short trip, so I feel that I experienced enough for the time I was there. I'd definitely recommend it as a place to travel to. And you have to zip-line! The Vista Los Suenos canopy tour has one of the largest cables in the area! And you can do one upside down. Baller. It was definitely my favourite activity.
In one of my previous posts, I had mentioned some of the things I was looking forward to, one of them being looking for a house and moving out with some of my girlfriends.
The search has been underway for a while now, but the initial move-out date has been pushed back, as my friend Cyn got a new job, and wanted to clear her ninety day probationary period before moving out.
We have found a few places of interest, one in particular being right in our desired area and price range that we have looked at and submitted our documents. We will know something by this weekend about whether or not we'll get to move in! Fingers crossed.
In this last post, I mentioned how Ace, my ex-boyfriend from roughly four years ago, came back into my life after not seeing or hearing from him for almost two years.
Presently...he's decided to cut off contact.
We had been talking for a while about having to take things back to a platonic place, as we both had started developing feelings for each other over the course of the last few months, which I suppose what inevitable, since our last relationship never really had "closure" and he's always been a great guy. Just the last time we dated, I came into his life at a really chaotic time, so it was hard for him to balance his home and personal life. The bigger factor being, given his religion, a serious relationship was never an option for us.
He called me last Friday night explaining that this was something that had to be done. His minister inquired about what was going on, and pretty much gave him an ultimatum: Be kicked out of the church, or end the relationship. Unfortunately though, his minister is not just that...he's also his father.
So while I've been upset, confused, and angered by this decision, I do have to take a step back and try to understand and empathise with what he is going through. I can't understand what it's like to be in a religion such as his, but I know that while he had made this decision to go down a certain path in his life the first time we dated, I can see how conflicted he must also feel having the feelings he's had for me, while also sticking to his choice. Deep down did I think this would be different the second time around? No. But did I secretly hold out a little bit of hope? Definitely. I had to question him one night about all of it, considering he was constantly saying "I technically shouldn't be doing this.," because, he was. I felt that maybe he didn't want to be in this position; How serious can one really be in ones religion, when you're essentially saying you can't be doing something, but you are anyway? It's contradictory. Perhaps it was my pushing that lead up to this, but I had started having a gut feeling that he was starting to pull away.
What made me most upset didn't even have to do with not being together in the way we both wanted. It's the fact that I had someone back in my life that I've still cared about, and not even in a romantic way, whom has now disappeared again. I had made him promise me that he wouldn't just cut me off, but this decision was bigger than what I wanted, I guess. I thought being friends would still an option, but after talking with him, it seems that because of the way he feels for me, he can't be around me as he knows that things would escalate beyond friendship.
So, I've had a good cry, and while I know there will be times when I'll miss him horribly, I just have to push on. It's gotten easier as the days have gone by, and I'll at least have some nice new positive memories to think about.
I've debated on whether I want to send him an email. Just to get some things off my chest, and let him know that while I've been feeling all these emotions, ultimately, I accept and understand his decision. To let him know that I'll still care for him, and wish him the best, and that I'll miss him too, and just hope everything turns out okay.
That's all for now...
I had the best time: We stayed in Jaco, right on the beach, but travelled around to various places in the area. The country is gorgeous, the people are friendly, and the food was delicious.
CR isn't particularly known for it's "cuisine"- it's mostly meat with rice and beans - but the few dishes I tried from the local places were amazing. I don't know what Costa Ricans put in their black beans...but damn. One place gave them to us as an appetizer with crumbled parmesan cheese and pita chips, and told us to eat it like guacamole. It went in seconds...so yummy. We also found a great Taco Place right down the street from our gorgeous rental house (which was right on Playa Jaco in Puntarenas!). We went there two nights in a row. I think we enjoyed it.
We all went on a crocodile tour (Gatorland can suck it: our tour guides were right in front of these gators, feeding them!), zip lining, a hike through Manuel Antonio National Park, and spent many days out on the different beaches. I even tried surfing with Bella's little sister, which was fun, I'll have to try again one day. We got to spend our last night in the gorgeous Costa Rica Marriott Hotel in San Jose (courtesy - aka paid for - of Bella's family! Have I mentioned how much I love them?) and couldn't have been a more perfect ending. Bella's family that joined us were amazing, and I had the pleasure of meeting a few of them previously, so it was like we'd all been friends forever.
Fun Facts:
*You can't flush toilet paper in most areas of CR. Their septic system doesn't handle it well. That was initially hard to get used to (and a little gross when you think about it too much!), but by the time we stayed at the Marriott, I was thankful to be able to flush my tissue.
*There was also no hot water at the house we stayed in. This wasn't a huge deal, especially once we discovered the outside shower by the pool. The outside temperature was warm enough that when you took a shower outside, you didn't notice the cold water. It was actually really refreshing. Again though, a hot shower was what we all took advantage of once we were at the hotel!
*The roads are insane. It is very rural in CR and the roads are small, congested, and full with potholes. Signage is something we also struggled to find, so thank goodness we had one fluent Spanish speaker with us, and one Brazilian whom could more or less make sense of what directions we were told. But part of the adventure is getting there...I just wasn't so thrilled when we almost had to jump out of our itty bitty rental car (which I'm convinced ran on a go-kart motor) couldn't make it up the steep hills! But it's a fun story to tell!
*When ordering food, be prepared to wait. Whenever we went to the more rural local eateries, the kitchens were usually only staffed with one to two people. Don't go to a restaurant super hungry, because you will wait. It's kinda part of the CR charm: it's a relaxed country, not as fast paced as the States, and usually I found the food was worth the wait.
*Be wary of hagging and the exchange rate. When we went shopping for souvenirs, not all of the places accepted haggling the prices down. One woman's shop in particular even gave us a bad exchange rate from Colones to Dollars (it's basically 1:2, and she almost tripled it). So 1000 Col = $2.
The experience overall was amazing, however I'm not sure I'll feel the want to visit again. We managed to pack in a lot of activities for quite a short trip, so I feel that I experienced enough for the time I was there. I'd definitely recommend it as a place to travel to. And you have to zip-line! The Vista Los Suenos canopy tour has one of the largest cables in the area! And you can do one upside down. Baller. It was definitely my favourite activity.
In one of my previous posts, I had mentioned some of the things I was looking forward to, one of them being looking for a house and moving out with some of my girlfriends.
The search has been underway for a while now, but the initial move-out date has been pushed back, as my friend Cyn got a new job, and wanted to clear her ninety day probationary period before moving out.
We have found a few places of interest, one in particular being right in our desired area and price range that we have looked at and submitted our documents. We will know something by this weekend about whether or not we'll get to move in! Fingers crossed.
In this last post, I mentioned how Ace, my ex-boyfriend from roughly four years ago, came back into my life after not seeing or hearing from him for almost two years.
Presently...he's decided to cut off contact.
We had been talking for a while about having to take things back to a platonic place, as we both had started developing feelings for each other over the course of the last few months, which I suppose what inevitable, since our last relationship never really had "closure" and he's always been a great guy. Just the last time we dated, I came into his life at a really chaotic time, so it was hard for him to balance his home and personal life. The bigger factor being, given his religion, a serious relationship was never an option for us.
He called me last Friday night explaining that this was something that had to be done. His minister inquired about what was going on, and pretty much gave him an ultimatum: Be kicked out of the church, or end the relationship. Unfortunately though, his minister is not just that...he's also his father.
So while I've been upset, confused, and angered by this decision, I do have to take a step back and try to understand and empathise with what he is going through. I can't understand what it's like to be in a religion such as his, but I know that while he had made this decision to go down a certain path in his life the first time we dated, I can see how conflicted he must also feel having the feelings he's had for me, while also sticking to his choice. Deep down did I think this would be different the second time around? No. But did I secretly hold out a little bit of hope? Definitely. I had to question him one night about all of it, considering he was constantly saying "I technically shouldn't be doing this.," because, he was. I felt that maybe he didn't want to be in this position; How serious can one really be in ones religion, when you're essentially saying you can't be doing something, but you are anyway? It's contradictory. Perhaps it was my pushing that lead up to this, but I had started having a gut feeling that he was starting to pull away.
What made me most upset didn't even have to do with not being together in the way we both wanted. It's the fact that I had someone back in my life that I've still cared about, and not even in a romantic way, whom has now disappeared again. I had made him promise me that he wouldn't just cut me off, but this decision was bigger than what I wanted, I guess. I thought being friends would still an option, but after talking with him, it seems that because of the way he feels for me, he can't be around me as he knows that things would escalate beyond friendship.
So, I've had a good cry, and while I know there will be times when I'll miss him horribly, I just have to push on. It's gotten easier as the days have gone by, and I'll at least have some nice new positive memories to think about.
I've debated on whether I want to send him an email. Just to get some things off my chest, and let him know that while I've been feeling all these emotions, ultimately, I accept and understand his decision. To let him know that I'll still care for him, and wish him the best, and that I'll miss him too, and just hope everything turns out okay.
That's all for now...
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Yoga Challenge: Day 1/Class 1.
Class one was on the official start day of the challenge: Saturday, September 1st.
Since I'd had a pretty shitty Friday, I originally just decided to go to class whenever I woke up. If I happened to miss the 10AM, I was going to go to the 4PM instead, however I ended up waking up right around 8:50AM, which I considered a sign that I should just get up and make the most of my day anyway.
I walked in, and felt right at home again. One of my favourite instructors, Anna, was teaching that day, and while she was milling around in the lobby she greeted me by name, which made me warm and fuzzy inside. I love how the instructors take the time to remember you when you become a regular. I walked up to the front desk and requested to purchase the unlimited month package, as I was taking part in the challenge. The receptionist was new to me, gave me an unsure look and asked: "Are you new?" That made me giggle, as I've been doing it (albeit, on and off) for three years. I showed her my name on the board, and all was sorted.
I've found my new favourite spot in the hot room, too. Middle row, far left, three spaces in. It's far enough near the end of the room that not many people tend to take the spaces next to you as they don't want to be bunched up near the wall, and gives you a clear view of the mirror in front. There were only about three people in the front row on my side, but they took spaces beside mine, as to not block my view. Love that.
Overall, class went well. Up until this particular day, I think my last time in class was over a month ago. It's going to take a few more classes to get fully acclimated, as I had to lay down a few times to stop the dizzy spells. I forgot to look at the thermostat when I came into or left class, but I would imagine it was at least 101*. A little clammy, but the 10AM is usually the coolest as it's the first of the day. But that can also depend on how many yogis show up to class. A packed room makes for a very challenging class. Besides the normal dizziness that can occur, I felt great, and was really happy with myself that I decided to go in the morning. I did have a run in with a guy next to me while we were placing our arms down at our sides during one of the postures (hand smack!), but nothing a smile and knowing look doesn't fix. It's hard not to occasionally slap someone when they are literally inches from you.
Starting weight (after class): 135.6lbs. I was actually a little (happily) surprised by this...but definitely want to take this number down some.
I'm trying to eat a bit more towards the healthy side too while doing this challenge, something I've already messed up on this past holiday weekend. Lots of coffee, alcohol, pizza, and fried fish does not make my tummy happy! However, after my first class, I made a stir fry of chicken, edamame, and broccoli with some salsa verde that I will definitely be making again for dinner tonight after class, as it's quick and healthy. Since the majority of my classes will be attended after work at 8PM (except on the weekends of course), I don't get home until a little after 10PM, and although I'm starving by then, I don't usually want to eat the delicious comfort food my mother tends to make, as it can also be quite heavy, and I still usually feel a little uneasy after class.
Today marks day 4 of the challenge, but only my 2nd class, as I took a few days off this holiday weekend to go house hunting and out to the beach. Just have to make sure I make the missed classes up at some point. Tonight is an 8PM class, as I have to work until 6PM and will miss that class. I will go in expecting it to be pretty damn hot, as the previous class would've just finished up a mere half hour before my class starts.
Here's a video to give you an idea as to what I'll be doing every day.
Namaste!
Days left: 26
Classes left: 25
Since I'd had a pretty shitty Friday, I originally just decided to go to class whenever I woke up. If I happened to miss the 10AM, I was going to go to the 4PM instead, however I ended up waking up right around 8:50AM, which I considered a sign that I should just get up and make the most of my day anyway.
I walked in, and felt right at home again. One of my favourite instructors, Anna, was teaching that day, and while she was milling around in the lobby she greeted me by name, which made me warm and fuzzy inside. I love how the instructors take the time to remember you when you become a regular. I walked up to the front desk and requested to purchase the unlimited month package, as I was taking part in the challenge. The receptionist was new to me, gave me an unsure look and asked: "Are you new?" That made me giggle, as I've been doing it (albeit, on and off) for three years. I showed her my name on the board, and all was sorted.
I've found my new favourite spot in the hot room, too. Middle row, far left, three spaces in. It's far enough near the end of the room that not many people tend to take the spaces next to you as they don't want to be bunched up near the wall, and gives you a clear view of the mirror in front. There were only about three people in the front row on my side, but they took spaces beside mine, as to not block my view. Love that.
Overall, class went well. Up until this particular day, I think my last time in class was over a month ago. It's going to take a few more classes to get fully acclimated, as I had to lay down a few times to stop the dizzy spells. I forgot to look at the thermostat when I came into or left class, but I would imagine it was at least 101*. A little clammy, but the 10AM is usually the coolest as it's the first of the day. But that can also depend on how many yogis show up to class. A packed room makes for a very challenging class. Besides the normal dizziness that can occur, I felt great, and was really happy with myself that I decided to go in the morning. I did have a run in with a guy next to me while we were placing our arms down at our sides during one of the postures (hand smack!), but nothing a smile and knowing look doesn't fix. It's hard not to occasionally slap someone when they are literally inches from you.
Starting weight (after class): 135.6lbs. I was actually a little (happily) surprised by this...but definitely want to take this number down some.
I'm trying to eat a bit more towards the healthy side too while doing this challenge, something I've already messed up on this past holiday weekend. Lots of coffee, alcohol, pizza, and fried fish does not make my tummy happy! However, after my first class, I made a stir fry of chicken, edamame, and broccoli with some salsa verde that I will definitely be making again for dinner tonight after class, as it's quick and healthy. Since the majority of my classes will be attended after work at 8PM (except on the weekends of course), I don't get home until a little after 10PM, and although I'm starving by then, I don't usually want to eat the delicious comfort food my mother tends to make, as it can also be quite heavy, and I still usually feel a little uneasy after class.
Today marks day 4 of the challenge, but only my 2nd class, as I took a few days off this holiday weekend to go house hunting and out to the beach. Just have to make sure I make the missed classes up at some point. Tonight is an 8PM class, as I have to work until 6PM and will miss that class. I will go in expecting it to be pretty damn hot, as the previous class would've just finished up a mere half hour before my class starts.
Here's a video to give you an idea as to what I'll be doing every day.
Namaste!
Days left: 26
Classes left: 25
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Quickie
I decided to do a quick update, especially to the look of the blog. Something simpler..cleaner. No bullshit, just my words on the page. I tend to get bored easily, so by the time you (however many of you there are) read this, it may have already changed, again.
On the subject of change, I signed up for my second 30 Day Bikram Yoga Challenge, and it will be beginning this Saturday, on the first of September. The challenge is to complete twenty-six classes in thirty days (basically six classes a week). Since this is my second (kinda third) go around, I already know what to expect, but I intend on blogging about my experience, as I actually hope to complete the challenge, as I've finished a few classes short the previous time.
I first got into Bikram around three years ago, via a friend from high school. She had tried it, and was hooked. She told me about it, I checked out the site, and decided to give it a whirl. I've kinda been hooked ever since too, attending classes off and on for the last number of years. When I first tried it with my friend, I was actually unemployed but had saved a lot of money, so I had the luxury of going to classes regularly, and could afford it. We went for a solid month once, so that's why I kind of count this official second challenge as my third.
This type of yoga isn't for everyone. It's a type of hatha - meaning hot - yoga, obviously meaning it's wicked hot: ranging from 99-106 degrees. I've done a 106* class...it's no picnic! It's muggy, at 40-50% humidity, and not many people agree with the way the class is conducted, as it's not a traditional style (bright lights, mirrors, carpet, and the way the dialogue is directed to you via the instructors). It's not a calm, meditative style. The instructor is constantly talking to you, except for the two minutes of rest during class, and instruction is delivered in a way to push you ("Lock the knee! Lock your knee!").
Let's just say: most people I've convinced to come with me and try a class...have never returned. Which is fine, it's just not their thing. I just happen to love it. Am I crazy? Maybe. But I'd much rather sweat it out for an hour and a half than take up jogging (something I still want to commit to one day!). It's just what I like for my primary exercise, but it's not always convenient to go, as the studio is about half an hour away from where I live, and can cost quite a bit of money.
Anyway, I will be tracking my progress over the next thirty days, and will post anything I feel is noteworthy, including any weight/measurement loss, ease/difficulty with postures, overall well being, etc.
I am pretty excited. I haven't been to class in about a month, so I know the first few classes may be a bit of a struggle, but I'll be in my groove once the weekend has passed. Fridays will be my official rest day, as they do not have a late night class that day, along with any other day where I may just end up having plans. In that case, I can do what is called a Double, to make up for missed classes. AKA: Two classes in one day! Yikes. Not my favourite thing to do, but I've done some before, and it wasn't so bad.
If anyone should happen to stumble upon my blog and was ever curious about trying Bikram, this will give you some insight, I hope. I'm not a pro, but I know enough to give sound advice on the subject. If you have any questions, just leave me a comment!
Namaste!
On the subject of change, I signed up for my second 30 Day Bikram Yoga Challenge, and it will be beginning this Saturday, on the first of September. The challenge is to complete twenty-six classes in thirty days (basically six classes a week). Since this is my second (kinda third) go around, I already know what to expect, but I intend on blogging about my experience, as I actually hope to complete the challenge, as I've finished a few classes short the previous time.
I first got into Bikram around three years ago, via a friend from high school. She had tried it, and was hooked. She told me about it, I checked out the site, and decided to give it a whirl. I've kinda been hooked ever since too, attending classes off and on for the last number of years. When I first tried it with my friend, I was actually unemployed but had saved a lot of money, so I had the luxury of going to classes regularly, and could afford it. We went for a solid month once, so that's why I kind of count this official second challenge as my third.
This type of yoga isn't for everyone. It's a type of hatha - meaning hot - yoga, obviously meaning it's wicked hot: ranging from 99-106 degrees. I've done a 106* class...it's no picnic! It's muggy, at 40-50% humidity, and not many people agree with the way the class is conducted, as it's not a traditional style (bright lights, mirrors, carpet, and the way the dialogue is directed to you via the instructors). It's not a calm, meditative style. The instructor is constantly talking to you, except for the two minutes of rest during class, and instruction is delivered in a way to push you ("Lock the knee! Lock your knee!").
Let's just say: most people I've convinced to come with me and try a class...have never returned. Which is fine, it's just not their thing. I just happen to love it. Am I crazy? Maybe. But I'd much rather sweat it out for an hour and a half than take up jogging (something I still want to commit to one day!). It's just what I like for my primary exercise, but it's not always convenient to go, as the studio is about half an hour away from where I live, and can cost quite a bit of money.
Anyway, I will be tracking my progress over the next thirty days, and will post anything I feel is noteworthy, including any weight/measurement loss, ease/difficulty with postures, overall well being, etc.
I am pretty excited. I haven't been to class in about a month, so I know the first few classes may be a bit of a struggle, but I'll be in my groove once the weekend has passed. Fridays will be my official rest day, as they do not have a late night class that day, along with any other day where I may just end up having plans. In that case, I can do what is called a Double, to make up for missed classes. AKA: Two classes in one day! Yikes. Not my favourite thing to do, but I've done some before, and it wasn't so bad.
If anyone should happen to stumble upon my blog and was ever curious about trying Bikram, this will give you some insight, I hope. I'm not a pro, but I know enough to give sound advice on the subject. If you have any questions, just leave me a comment!
Namaste!
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