My last relationship was around two and a half-years (long distance!). However, this one has been a lot easier to get over than some of the other crap I've been through. It didn't really even end badly. Unfortunately, we just had to let it fizzle. And I didnt really have a choice in the matter.
All in all, *Tobes was a decent guy and boyfriend, but I don't think he was ever fully committed. Not meaning 'sleeping around' non-committed, but committed to the idea of a serious relationship. It took him ages to figure out he wanted me (ex: "Let's just see how things go."), and then he never really seemed to acknowledge he had a girlfriend (ex: wouldn't change his relationship status. Yes, not the end of the world, but an important factor, I think). The word Girlfriend itself, I think, freaked him out.
The weirdest signal happened last year around Thanksgiving. He and his family had invited me to their family holiday to celebrate with, and finally meet, them. In my mind, that's a pretty big gesture. It's one thing to casually meet the parents - and I'd met his father a few months prior - but to meet the parents, sister, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins (altogether making at least 20 individuals!) meant something to me.
I've never been a part of someone's family that way. I felt we were heading somewhere special...
Jump forward six months later (May '11), and we were discussing how our relationship would work once he moved further away.
C'est la vie. As the beautiful Tristan Prettyman (who had a pretty terrible breakup of her engagement with Jason Mraz) said: "I don't want someone who's not ready for me. I want someone that can't get enough of me."
So here I am! Five months single, and on an online dating site.
Don't think of me as one of those gals that dreads being single. I'm actually quite excited.
Funnily enough, I've realised that I don't usually stay single for long. As long as I've been dating anyway: since I was eighteen.
I'm not tooting my own horn here. But people like me. I'm confident enough in myself to acknowledge I'm a cool chick, a decent catch. But sometimes I don't get it. My friends, even friends of friends, will always tell me how someone they know likes me. I can only assume at first it's mostly physical, since a majority of these guys have never met me face to face. And trust me, I'm nowhere near "perfect". I know I have a decent body: I'm a lady, I'm curvy, but just like every other female, sometimes I hate my 34DD (natural) breasts, my round butt and strong thighs. But maybe that's The Attraction: I'm not constantly complaining about, or trying to change my body. I take well enough care of it, and ninety percent of the time, I love my curves, crazy hair, and caramel complexion I can only credit my mixed race ethnicity for.
Side thought: But the whole My-Friend-Thinks-You're-Hot scenario, tends to happen a lot. Let me tell you about whom I'll refer to as *Wyle (you'll know why later).
I met him a year ago through Bella. After we all first hung out, he constantly asked her about me. Which was flattering, but I was with Tobes. Long story short, we've had a mild flirtation going the whole time I've known him. But he also landed a girlfriend during that time. He said he gave up hope of being able to date me. After learning back in July I was now back on the Market, he seemed annoyed and stunned at our ever terrible timing. B relayed the conversation to me one night over glasses of wine and hookah:
Wyle: "The only thing I never liked about Jodie was her boyfriend..."
Bella: "Haha, Oh. Well he's not even a factor anymore.."
Wyle: "What?"
Bella: "Yeah, they broke up like a month ago."
Wyle: ...."NOW she's single?!"
I think eventually he just couldn't control himself anymore. Wyle, Bella, our friend Stephen, and myself all went dancing one night to celebrate the guys' graduation from VFX school. His girlfriend was conveniently out of town. Drinks were flowing, we were all having a blast dancing in the seedy club, sweaty and tipsy...and then he kissed me. I didn't care. As far as I was concerned: I'm-single-and-can-do-what-I-want!
I even enjoyed it. A lot.
For visual reference, Wyle's doppleganger is Noah Wyle. Circa ER when he was going through his rugged phase. And with an adorable Massachusetts accent. Delish.
"You're an amazing kisser! I can't stop!" he shouted into my ear over the music (booyah!).We danced, made out, and fondled till the wee hours. We even swapped partners at one point - yes, it was one of those nights. Bella and I went back to their place to hang out. Bella and Stephen fell asleep on the couches. I ended up in Wyle's bed. Naked. He looked great clothed, but...damn.
Then the whole timing bug came to bite us in the ass. His head was in the game, but his other *ahem* head, was not. Bummer, because he'd had the sexiest grin on his face the whole time.
"I've wanted this for so long."
More of a blessing though. Although I'd had my whole Don't-Give-A-Fuck attitude on, I would've felt incredibly bad (at least I think) had something happened, concerning his girlfriend. I wouldn't want to be in her shoes.
Either way, I don't always understand where the infatuation comes from. I know, at least in this particular scenario, it wasn't just a physical thing. Wyle has been specific about letting me know he wouldn't have wanted just a one night stand. But he was also not brave enough to address what almost happened between us to his girl. Understandable, his attraction to me hasn't been subtle. She knew he had a thing for me even before they started dating. She hasn't been a big fan of mine.
Wyle is in Cali now. He's still kicking himself from that night and our terrible timing.
Recent text message from Wyle: "I wanted to tell you it was awesome to meet you and you're an awesome girl. . .Still wish you didn't have that thing called a bf when I met you."
Regardless, I don't consider myself to be some über sexy person. I'm not superficial at all. I'm just me. I love to have fun, and maybe it's the carefree, fun-loving aspect of me people are drawn to. At least I hope!
At any rate, at this point in my life, I'm welcoming being single more than ever. Frankly, I don't know why some gals hate it so much. You can have so much fun seeing who's out there.
Sure, on a dating site you get the weirdos: my first ever message was "Do you wanna fuck?" (hell no), and others have ranged from someone telling me he thinks I'm "cute, like a hamster" (fuck off), to a thirty-six year old married man propositioning me to be in a FWB relationship (gross).
But I'm sure there are some gems...
somewhere.
Here's to being me. Single, and ready to mingle.
**Names have been altered to protect privacy and potential embarrassment.
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